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On Choosing Friends and Books
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The influences which shape our character most powerfully in life are not in the end random accidents but influences which we in fact choose. Two of the most powerful of these are the friends we listen to and the books we read.
Friends: I've learned there is great value in listening to and interacting with a wide range of people and views. It's certainly not that we shouldn't associate with negative, cynical or sceptical people or with those who consistently challenge our root commitments. There is definite value in interacting with such people and others who help us think through our values and commitments.
In this context of a wide range of friends and associates however it's wise to be deliberate about who we choose to spend most of our time with as those who will mould us most, and particularly the person we marry. These choices cannot be made too carefully. It is wisdom to choose those we want to become most like with great care, spend time with and learn from them.
A friend pointed out, "(Unless you are very deliberate,) you will likely become the average of those you hang out with the most."
Often
as our children were growing up and choosing friends I
asked them about a particular friendship, "What is the direction of influence in
your relationship?" I continue to believe it to be an important
question. If the flow of influence from the friend to you isn't
building you up or if your positive influence isn't flowing into your
friend's life, the relationship may not be benefiting anyone. On the
other hand if you are helping the other person become more than he or
she has been or if you are becoming more than you have been, the
friendship is a wise investment for you both. This is no small matter
for who you are becoming and who you are helping those around you
become has outcomes which stretch into eternity.
Books: The same is
true of books and other reading materials. Many people read too little
or relatively 'light' materials and miss opportunities for growth; good
books stimulate thought and shape us in many ways. Time and life are
short however and we can't read everything or even everything that
would be good to read towards shaping our lives for time and eternity.
I’ve
read many books in my lifetime. A smaller number have impacted me
permanently. While it's difficult to say so definitively, if I were to live my life again and could bring only a small shelf of
books - after the Bible - as a guide and resource, they would likely be these:
The Bible (New Testament)
Personal Growth:
- Tozer, A.W. Knowledge of the Holy (Harper & Row, San Francisco), 1961
- Elizabeth O'Connor, Journey Inward, Journey Outward (Harper & Row, New York), 1968 more
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Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The
Cost of Discipleship (Macmillan, New York), 1963.
- Randy Alcorn, The Treasure Principle, Multnomah Books, Colorado Springs, 2001. 120 pages. ISBN 978-1-59052-508-1
- Richard J. Foster, The Celebration of Discipline: the Path to Spiritual Growth, HarperCollins, 3rd Edition 1998. (Amazon)
- Mike
Mason, The Mystery of Marriage. (Multnomah Books), 1996.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy (public domain PDF RTF)
- Vincent Carroll & David Shiflett, Christianity
on Trial, (Encounter Books,
San Francisco), 2002
- Tim Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Scepticism
- More (including audio)
Christian
Community - What could the church be like?
- Shane Claiborne, The
Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical (Zondervan, Grand Rapids), 2006
- Michael Frost, Alan Hirsch, The Shaping of Things
to Come: Innovation and Mission for the 21st Century Church,
Hendrickson Publishers, 2003 ISBN: 978-1-8768-2587-4
- Robert Lewis, Church of Irresistible Influence. (Zondervan, Grand Rapids) 2001
- Rick Joyner, The Vision [Including The Final Quest and The Call] (Thomas Nelson, Nashville), 2000.
- John Bunyan, Pilgrim’s Progress
- Harold A. Baker, Plains of Glory and Gloom and/or Visions Beyond The Veil (Osterhus Publishing) ISBN 088368019X
- Jim Montgomery, 7 Million Churches to Go (William Carey, Pasadena), 1989. 230 pages.
“The man who doesn't read
good books has no advance over the man who can't read.” - Mark Twain
